What an Ice breaker
by 9thstar
Summary: What is this phenomenon? Someone wakes up in Haku's dead body, taking on the role of the pretty boy after he dies. She can't remember anything about her past life other than anime and oddly clear knowledge of the Narutoverse. She doesn't know whats she's doing or aiming to achieve, but one thing is clear; "WOOT! I'm a ninja and can use ice like ELSA!"


**I'm not Abandoning 'Is this Reality', but this story idea just popped into existence, and who am I to deny the urge to write this story? I probably won't update Ice breaker or Pinwheels until I finish the Sasuke one. For now, just enjoy what I've cooked up while procrastinating for writing ITR chapter ten.**

_**-I do not own Naruto-**_

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_"Can you understand? Not having a dream… not being needed by anyone… The pain of merely being alive." -Haku_

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_Ever on and on, I'll continue circling_

_With nothing but my hate, in a carousel of agony_

**-Bad Apple(Lyrics)**

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Darkness.

Inky blackness that's almost suffocating.

Is… this a dream? Where am I? How did I get here?

I wracked my brain for answers, yet found none. Am I dead? Is this what death feels like? Nothing and nobody answered my questions, making me fall silent.

I jolted when I felt a burning sensation envelope my body- it was hot- _way too hot_. I couldn't breathe. I struggled in vain, feeling soil beneath my fingertips, something solid and not nothingness. It sent me into a panic; _was I buried alive?_

I desperately clawed my way up- or, where I thought 'up' was anyways. My eyes stung when sunlight hit my face, and I heaved myself up on the side of the hole I had been in. Coughing and sputtering, I gulped in mouthfuls of air. Sobs of relief racked my body, and I reached up and wiped the dirt off my face in vain. I squinted up at the sky and judged by the sun's positioning just below the trees that it was dawn. Well, it could be that the sun was setting, but the morning dew dotting the grass and the chirping of birds told me otherwise. I tried to speak but winced at my sore throat. '_I need water. This is a forest, there's gotta be a stream or something nearby.'_

Standing on shaky legs, I looked down, just noticing what I was wearing. It was a strange outfit- traditional, and not at all what I remember wearing. Not like I actually remember anything about myself or how I got into this situation in the first place. Turning around, I observed the area I almost died in- my breath catching in my throat when I saw two graves. The one I didn't crawl out of had a massive yet vaguely familiar sword sticking out of the ground behind the grave marker. The wreaths of flowers looked fairly fresh, and I noted that the graves had recently been dug. My eyes widened and I reflexively took a step back.

"Am I undead? A Zombie? Did I kick death in the balls and come back?" My voice was scratchy and talking really didn't help my throat, but I just couldn't help but voice my thoughts. I stared at my grave buddy's, well, grave, crouching down in front of it. "Were you my friend? Did we die together?" I didn't know why all I could voice were questions, but you'd be pretty gobsmacked if you fuckin' rose from the dead; like some kind of Creepshow episode. "Are you gonna wake up too?"

There was no answer. Expected, but disappointing. Now I was alone in this nature defying conundrum, which made me fairly melancholy. I eyed the big ass sword in contemplation for a moment, then shrugged and grabbed the hilt, pulling it out of the earth. "Dead people gotta help their undead homies out." I slung the sword over my shoulder- and lemme tell you, it was really heavy, but I guess I was pretty strong before I died since I could hold it easy enough. Or it could be my undead powers… unless I'm just like, resurrected? Then I'm just a normal person that happened to cheat death. I frowned at that, scrunching my nose when I realized I smelled like the dead and needed a bath- pronto.

Before I left, I paused, then pushed the dirt back into my hole, filling it in and pat it down so it looked like nothing freaky just transpired. "Could I be a necromancer?" I mused, then noted a town nearby. I headed in the opposite direction- deeper into the woods. I couldn't just skip right into town like nothing happened. Somebody here probably knew me or at least buried me. It wouldn't do to freak the populace out, it wouldn't do good at all.

After walking for a while, I found myself in front of a lake. After briefly checking the area and concluding none else was here, I began to strip. Tossing my dirty clothes to the side, I pulled out whatever tie held my hair up and let it down. I ran a hair through the dark chocolate locks, smoothing them out then stepped gingerly into the icy cold water. I raised a brow when I didn't violently shiver like usual- how can I just know my mannerisms if I can't even remember my frickin' name?! Despite the situation, I felt dread pooling in my stomach as I scrubbed the dirt and grime off my body, pausing at my chest where I noticed a large patch of scar tissue located smack dab over my heart.

"Is this how I died? Arrow to the knee, try fisted through your chest." It was then that I noticed I was male, and proceed to scream and jump out of the lake, landing with an 'oof' on the shore. The moment I left the water It felt like a weight lifted off my shoulders… ight.' "Alright... I'm a zombie/undead weird ninja-looking trap. Wonderful." I scooted over to look at my reflection on the surface and stilled, dumbfounded by the face that stared back. "Wait a minute… big ass sword, girly appearance, two graves, ninja clothes, not affected by the cold-" I gripped my hair, letting out a muffled sound of distress and realization.

I was frickin' Haku from Naruto.

The graves were fresh… My eyes widened, "Oh shit. Team 7 is probably still here. Wait.. should I approach them? Ha, like that'll go over well. 'Hey, remember me from yesterday? I got a Chidori _through the chest _and you buried my dead body, very emotional. So, like, I rose from the dead, and now I'm this weird undead thingy. _Wanna hang out?'_" I chuckled, the sound deep in my throat and kinda creepy. Welp, dunno what happened to my old body, and now I'm a dead person in Naruto but Kabuto hasn't raised his personal army yet. Running through my options, a giant maniacal grin spread across my lips, and I threw my hands up in the air. "WOOT! I'm a ninja and can use ice like ELSA!"

I froze when I heard a garbled sound like someone choking coming from behind me, and turned around slowly. "What the hell." A very familiar big blue shark man questioned, though it sounded more like a statement. Itachi stood beside him silently staring at me. I flushed in embarrassment and grabbed my shirt to cover my sacred area of virginity.

"Uh, how long have you been standing there?" He and Itachi exchanged a look, "When we came over to investigate a girly scream." I stared blankly at them before chuckling nervously. "So, uh, I defied logic and now I'm alive? Oh, I met your bro by the way Itachi. He awakened his blood limit and all... " I gestured to the air beside me for no reason, "He's really emo- I probably should stop talking. Uh, please take care of me?" Offering a weak shrug I continued, "I'm all alone out here, well, in general, and I probably can't show my face in town cause' I'm supposed to be dead and all- Can I join you guys in your… mission or whatever?"

At the mention of his brother, Itachi activated his Sharingan and stared me down, while Kisame still looked to be processing the fact that I'm undead and _not_ lying. The shark man's gaze drifted towards the sword that starts with 'k' that fixes itself with blood? That's what the sword does right? Wait- oh shit. It's a sword from one of the seven swordsmen oh fuckity fuck I'm super dead- _again_. I'm gonna die naked this time, and I'm not even doing the dirty! "You want to come with us." Kisame began, "You claim to be dead- undead. You have Kubikiribōchō, and can use Ice Jutsu?"

"Well, when you put it like that you make me seem kinda crazy."

"And you met Itachi's brother? Itachi, I thought you massacred your clan." He sent a questionable look the stoic Uchiha's way. He blinked slowly, Sharingan still staring into the depths of my soul- _jeez he's scary_. "I didn't bother with him." was his quiet response, while I awkwardly just kinda stood there still nakie. I quickly threw on my dirty clothes, grabbing the weapons pouch of senbon and stuffed it in one of my pockets. "Soooo- can I come with?" The shark man scratched the back of his head and I discreetly picked up the Kubikir- fuck it, its name is Kubi-cakes as of today. I dug around on my person for a storage scroll or something- and just now noticed the gaping hole/rip in my clothing. Jeez, you can see the scar.

"Leader probably won't be happy about this," Kisame remarked, then shrugged. "Whatever kid, just don't be a nuisance and I won't eat you." I paused in the frantic digging through my pockets for useful items. "Huh?" He chuckled, walking over and patted my wet head, while I stared on with a confused and wide-eyed expression. Itachi sighed, gazing at me through half-lidded eyes, "don't get in the way." I shot him a look, putting my hands on my hips. "I'm very useful thank you very much. It's just- uh, well-" I fidgeted with the hem of my shirt, "I can't remember learning how to ninja? I'm sure the muscle memory and stuff is there… but in all honesty, I'm lost here _heh heh_.."

"Also hey senpai, do you have a storage scroll I could borrow for an undetermined span of time?" Sharkie let out a chuckle, "Guess you have a kohai now Itachi." The weasel gave what seemed like a look of resignation, and deposited my requested item into my grabby hand. I grinned, "Thanks Itachi-Senpai." I held the scroll near Kubi-cake and tried to feel around inside me for that weird, warm slippery energy. I didn't realize it was chakra before, and just equated it to heartburn or the effects of being brought back from the dead. It was actually really frickin easy to direct it towards my fingers and into the scroll, sealing _my_ big ass sword away.

I'm sure Zabuza would want me to take good care of him anyway.

Kubi-kun? Kubi-cake? Perfect names for a sword that drinks the blood of my enemies. I stuffed the scroll into my pocket and made to hug Itachi's arm, whining when he moved out of the way. "B-but Itachi-senpai-"

"Alright, let's bring in this bounty, come on Itachi." He looked at my beaming face and sighed, "Itachi and-" Kisame paused, "What _is _your name kid?" Hmm… Right here is the moment I begin my epic journey. What's my name? Should I just go with Haku? After all, it's the only name I remember to call myself. Ah, whatever, Haku is fine…"Haku" he gave me a toothy grin, "Let's go turn in a bounty then, Haku."

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We sat inside a Dango shop on the way to the nearest bounty collector office thing, with me next to my second favorite Uchiha- _Madara-sama comes first_. Obito a close third, then Indra, and lastly Sasuke. Oh wait- Shisui is tied with Obito. Obi-Tobi is a bit of a jackass after Rin dies and all, but you can't fault the man's badassery. Indra is _fine as fuck_. Like, damn, I wish I was a girl so I could make sweet babies with all these handsome, awesome, amazing, badas- I shoved the dango stick into my mouth, chewing thoughtfully. Can't remember pretty much anything besides being female before- hmm, I wonder if there's a jutsu to genderswap? I mean, I have the looks in this body for it. Maybe pay a visit to Orochimaru? Nah, he'd probably tie my ass up and have me make tons of heirs for his experiments.

I shivered. One of the downsides to having a kick-ass bloodborne ability, people just wanna use you for it like you're not even a person with feelings- and dreams, goals… My gaze landed on Itachi's face, craning my neck to look up at him. He felt my stare and melt my gaze, and raised a brow in question after a few moments. "So you have a kekkei Genkai too? The red eyes." He ate another dango and swallowed before answering, "Yes." I sent him a smile, curiosity coloring my next question. "On a scale of 1 to 10, how cool or well, useful is it? Does it have any drawbacks? You're an Uchiha right, that's really cool. I've only met one other Uchiha than you- your brother. But you already knew that of course."

He patiently answered my questions, some of the answers were vague though, because, well, Itachi. That and freely giving up information on your abilities isn't very strategic or smart. It's a sad truth, but that doesn't ease my growing melancholy. I shoved all those bad thoughts away in the deepest recesses of my mind, bad thoughts- oh, Kisame-sama is talking. "You're one curious kid. Guess you have a fan Itachi." I nodded, "Yeah, he's really cool- you too, Kisame-sama." He donned a look of surprise then laughed, "Maybe it won't be too much trouble to keep you around."

I smirked, "Nice. Alright, I gotta learn how to do the Ice magic."

"you mean your Kekkei Genkai- ice release jutsu."

"But I'm like Elsa, I even look like a princess. I got the whole shebang."

"Right…"

We finished off our sticks of dango in silence after that, thanking the waitress and leaving a tip- what? Just because we're criminals doesn't mean we can't be normal people! Well, I'm not a criminal at least- _yet_.

"Who's Elsa?" Kisame broke the silence, straightening his cloak. I smiled secretly and winked, "One of my idols." He eyed me warily, before shrugging, "Ok."

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My Senpais and I were setting up camp for the night, with my task being to gather some firewood with Itachi. I picked up a lone branch on the ground, a contented smile still present on my face. We turned to head back to the camp, though Itachi surprised me when he spoke. "You need new clothes." I looked down at the dirt and bloodstained clothes Haku wore when he died, rips and tears obvious on the material. "U-uh, yeah. Geez, to think I almost forgot." I chuckled, closing my eyes in a thankful smile. "Thanks for reminding me of that Senpai." He paused, before offering me a brief, small smile of his own.

Itachi and I dumped our collected sticks in a makeshift stone circle campfire thingy, and he breathed a very small fireball to light the dry wood. He noticed I was still holding onto one stick- more like a twig, really. It was fairly straight, and the perfect size for a DIY wizard wand. At his questioning glance, I shrugged, "It's my special stick." He seemed to send a quiet mental prayer my way then took a seat against the trunk of one of the nearby trees, gaze drifting to the crackling fire. I took this opportunity to toss the stick into the fire and take a seat beside him, allowing about a foot of breathing room since I didn't want to push our relationship at this early of a stage.

Itachi was taking the first watch, and I was joining him voluntarily. Kisame leaned against the tree opposite to us and dozed, breathing quiet snores every now and then. I sat cross-legged and rested my head on my arm that I propped up on my leg. We sat in comfortable silence, which gives me time to sort through my crazy day so far. First up, I'm Haku, the Ice Prince/Princess himself, and I'm not diddly darn dead, which I'm happy about. I can't remember anything besides random anime plotlines and a mostly-clear recollection of Naruto. I'm in a not-so-fictional world that I've only ever imagined being apart of- whatever that means. Whether I'm Haku with memories from another time and place or not doesn't matter, all that does is keeping the... Bonds I've forged.

I chanced a glance at Itachi and Kisame. And wow, I ran into two of my favorite cha- _people_ in this place, and they're taking me along for the ride. I smiled, peering into the fire, appreciating the way the firelight artistically lit up the features on their faces. My smile slowly fell when I thought about _Zabuza-s… Zabuza-sa…. Zabuza_. He's dead, and there's nothing I can do to fix that without Edo Tensei or the Rinnegan- which I'm most certainly don't have a chance, like, ever, to obtain that. Zabuza wouldn't be happy if I brought him back as a zombie either.

I blinked when something wet hit my hands, and I realized tears were streaming down my face without consent. It- It hurts s-so much. My head snapped up when I felt a warm hand on my shoulder, "Breathe." Itachi said in a firm voice. I hadn't realized I had started hyperventilating and tried to steady my breathing, shakily inhaling and exhaling on beat. After a few minutes, I calmed down enough to choke out a gut-wrenching sob. I cringed in disgust at myself, trying to keep this overwhelming grief from wracking my form. I turned from inside myself to Itachi, making a grab for him and burying myself in his arms.

He froze, unsure what to do, then started hesitantly rubbing soothing circles on my back, easing my sobbing into the occasional sniffle. Eventually, my tears stopped and I frantically wiped them away, looking away from Itachi with puffy eyes. He gently let me go and scooted away to give me some space. I ruefully smiled and returned my gaze towards the fire, sniffling once more. "S-sorry. I… I don't know why I-" I laughed a little, "Ah, ooh… I'm sorry for making you uncomfortable Itachi. I-it just hurt all of a sudden- a-a lot." I drew in my knees to my chest, glancing at the Uchiha briefly. "I'm no good dealing with this sort of stuff. I wasn't even s-sad, really." I sighed deeply, "Sorry." I mumbled, gluing my gaze to the embers and not daring to chance another look at my Senpai.

He must be really uncomfortable, trying to console a stranger- a stranger that just had a breakdown for no discernible reason, ah.

"There's no need to apologize… Kohai," came his quiet response, enough to snap me out of my daze and through him a smile. "You're accepting it?"

"I… suppose."

I fist-pumped the air, grinning from ear to ear. "Yes!"

I saw Kisame rollover and gave Itachi a sheepish look. "Sorry, I'll celebrate… less loudly."

Itachi sighed, looking at me with half-lidded eyes, and I could practically hear him telepathically say in his mind; '_What have I gotten myself into?'_

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_"If possible, I don't want to have to kill you… nor do I want you to have to kill me… However, if you come at me… I will kill my heart with a blade and become a true shinobi." -Haku_

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_"You were always at my side, the least I can do is to be beside you at the end. I know it cannot be, but I wish I could go to where you have gone. How I wish I could join you there, Haku." -Zabuza(Last words to Haku)_

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**Yep, I just ran with my muse and made an undead Haku-not-Haku team up with Kisame and Itachi who coincidentally had to take care of a bounty in the area and picked the little protag up. (Itachi was totally being a mother hen to make sure Sasuke was alright during his first C-rank turned A? S? pretty sure A.)**

**Welp, Until next time my beautiful readers~**


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